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February 13, 2013
Happy Valentine’s Day: 50 Ways To Leave No Cover

It’s about time Maniloff gave me The Cover-age Story. As if it weren’t bad
enough that I have to do insurance jokes, which is barely one step above
balloon animals, my column is relegated to a skinny little box on page 3. I was
close to walking if I didn’t get some better real estate in this rag.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Guys, if you have not yet bought a gift you are getting
really close to the point of having to stop at CVS for a Whitman’s Sampler and a card that has been rejected as not good enough by 412 people. Not to mention
that it no longer has a single sharp corner or an envelope that fits. Boys, take it
from experience, this is not the way you want to go.

With Valentine’s Day tomorrow it only seemed appropriate to use this Coverage
Story to share a love song. Paul Simon briefly attended Brooklyn Law
School (it’s true – lots of websites say so). Imagine if he had finished and then
went the insurance coverage route. It would have only been a matter of time
before someone with those songwriting skills, who spent his days cranking out
disclaimer and reservation of rights letters, would have come up with this
beautiful tune.

50 Ways To Leave No Cover

The problem is all inside your head
she said to me
People paid for a liability policy

And now your desk has paper in piles
And people screaming about
upcoming trials

The answer is easy if you take it
Just close those files and set yourself

I’d like to help you in your struggle
With those large loss reports that you
must juggle

There must be fifty ways
To leave no cover

Your notice was late Kate
And then you didn’t cooperate

That’s not an occurrence Terrence

It’s impaired property Lee

You furnished alcohol Paul

You intended that Matt

We’re just excess Bess

We reserved on Buss Gus

Your claim relates back Jack

You spilled pollution Lucien

It’s a four corners state mate

That’ not PD Bea

The plaintiff’s your employee Dee

You’re just not an AI Ty

You never gave notice Otis

Your payment was voluntary Jerry

An insured, a dog is not, Spot

You had knowledge of falsity Leigh

We just never intended to cover that Pat

You prejudiced us Russ

That relief’s only declaratory Lori

You’re not legally obligated to pay Jay

That’s not trade dress Les

There’s misrep. in your app. Kap

We defended but we don’t have to
indemnify Guy

We’ll just investigate Nate

Your claim’s not first made Wade

There’s other insurance Vince

You’ve got an uninsured share Claire

The damage is your own work Kirk

Wrong policy term Thurm

We forgot to reserve but we still didn’t
waive Dave

It’s TCPA Faye

Or call it a junk fax Max

It’s not an accident Kent

We don’t cover an assault Walt

We lost your file Kyle

And your file too Lou

Your watercraft’s not less than 26 feet

Emotional injury is not BI Di

That’s not a professional service

I just ignored my boss Ross

We don’t cover recall Saul

The policy is void Boyd

That’s mobile equipment Clint

That’s not a suit Newt

And for no reason at all your claim’s
denied Clyde

There must be fifty ways
To leave no cover

A tribute to Paul Simon’s classic “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” may seem an odd choice for celebrating Valentine’s Day. But despite a title suggesting otherwise, it is a love song. After all, the song is about a woman providing advice to her lover, on ways that he can leave his wife or another woman. I mean, how’s that not a love song? That’s as romantic as anything Karen Carpenter ever
belted out.


That’s my time.

I’m Randy Spencer.

Contact Randy Spencer at Randy.Spencer@coverageopinions.info

Some Samples:
Volume 1 - Issue 1 - October 17, 2012
Volume 1 - Issue 4 - November 28, 2012
Volume 2 - Issue 2 - January 16, 2013
Volume 2 - Issue 3 - January 30, 2013
Volume 2 - Issue 4 - February 13, 2013
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